Saturday, January 10, 2009

Nondrivingasstosis

There is a new epidemic sweeping the DMV and it’s called Nondrivingasstosis.

What exactly is this you ask?

Simply, when a person can’t drive worth a damn.

Is Nondrivingasstosis contagious?

No, but it usually develops in some people between the ages of 60-70. It can affect people of any race but it's most commonly found in the elderly and people who were not born in the US.

What are the symptoms of Nondrivingasstosis?

Coming over in your lane without a signal or them checking to see if the lane is clear
Being in the wrong lane and holding you up because they’re trying to get over
Driving in two lanes instead of one
Driving 10 in a 35

How can Nondrivingasstosis be prevented?

Well a start would be making the drivers test a little more difficult. Driving around the block or the parking lot of the DMV does not necessarily verify that a person can actually drive. Put them out on 495!
After you reach a certain age a driving test should be mandatory when renewing your license.
If you are driving with a person experiencing Nondrivigasstosis, just be like Jesus and take the wheel.


I myself almost became a victim yesterday about eight times. That's why I felt it was necessary to shed some light on this epidemic so that you too do not become a victim.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Lesson In Bytch Dependency

Bitch Dependency:

When a pimp and/or man has an unhealthy attachment to a bitch (lady) which causes the man to rely on the beforementioned bitch for emotional need instead of just finacial support. Also known to other people as "love."

This Lesson has been brought to you today by "A Pimp Named Slick Back", please say the whole name if you would.



It's real ladies and gentlemen and apparently an epidemic.

Justice D.A.N.C.E

My fave new song and video even if it's been out for a minute.





Shoutout to Heather and her movie. I'm still coming up with an idea for mine! It will get made!!!!!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Kaiser Permanente......You Suck!

Today I had to take my daughter for her four year old check up(she just turned four in December). Now usually I don't have any problems when I take her to the Dr and she's good all the way through the entire visit. Not today! Evidently now that she's four she has developed what my dad calls the "white coat syndrome" and knew something was up when we arrived. First she wouldn't take her coat off then she started looking around suspiciously. Then when the nurse called us back, it was over! The child fell out in the middle of the floor. My response: "Oh no she didn't just embarrass me in front of all these people". Needless to say the rest of the visit didn't go well.

She cried when they took her weight, she cried when they tried to get her height, she cried when they took her blood pressure and cried the whole time the doctor examined her. I, being the good mother I am, had to bribe her with the promise of going to Toys R Us afterwards if she would Just.Stop.Crying! That worked for about five minutes.

Then apparently Kaiser Permanente feels that a four year old needs a hearing test where they put the headphones on her and expect her to clap whenever she hears the beep. Ummm she's four! She's not going to understand that plus she was STILL crying. Just call her name and if she says "huh" she can hear!

Then they gave her FIVE shots and took TWO tubes of blood. So by this point she's mad and I'm like Jesus help me. Then they wanted her to pee in a cup. I didn't know that four year old's were required to take a drug test! And you can't command a four year old to pee on the spot! If they don't have to go they're NOT gonna go. So I went back out to the receptionist like "Look, umm she doesn't have to pee soooo what am I supposed to do?". This heffa told me to take the cup home and bring it back with her pee in it. I wish the hell I would!

*SMH* I swear if Kaiser wasn't the cheapest health insurance through my gubment job they would be kissing my grits after today. And I get to do this all over again when she turns five.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Revelations

I know now that going into 09 I will be attending church more and hearing some word because it was just snowing, raining and thundering all at the same time a minute ago here in DC. Now the sun is shining! God is def trying to tell us something.

We living in them last days yall! Remember when old people used to say that to you when you were a kid and scare the crap out of you lol.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Really?



I like millions of others was so elated on the night of Nov 4th when we found out that Barack Obama would be our next president. And I was even more excited at the thought of the events that will be taking place between Jan 16-20 2009: the Inaugural Parties and Balls! Every black celebrity will be in town for the festivities. And I was going to make sure I was up in the mix at somebodies party/ball. That was until I saw the ridiculous prices some people are trying to charge to party like a rockstar!!!

Case in point, I saw this website for the Hip Hop Inaugural Ball: Celebrating the Inauguration of Barack Obama And The Hip Hop Community for Inspiring the Transformation of America *side-eye*. Really? Inspiring the transformation of America huh? Ummmkaaay, but anyway I was excited because this sounded like this was the party to be at, besides the actual balls BO will personally be attending. That was until I saw the ticket prices.

250 Pre Sale Sold Out *Of Course*
500 Limited *Your Kidding Me Right?*
1000 General *What the Hell?!*
2500 VIP *WTF?!?*


I guess someone missed the memo that we are in a recession. I mean seriously 2500g's? Barack, Michelle, Oprah, Stedman, Will Smith and Jada, Ronnie Bobby Rickey AND Mike all better be up in that piece! I have a feeling people are still trying to cash in on Obama Mania and that's just wrong. Barack would NOT be pleased!

So I guess I'll just settle for the Parade with the other thousands of people on the 20th. I wonder will the federal government be closed? Another free holiday.....SCORE!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Year In Review 08 Edition

2008 has been one very interesting year. A lot of ish has gone down, good and bad, so lets take a moment to revisit some of the biggest stories of 08.

The Housing Market Crisis

The housing Market crisis really hit a new low in 08 with foreclosures getting out of control. Houses were being sold on eBay for a buck! And people were and still are losing their homes left and right. All on the back of shady lenders giving home loans to people they knew couldn't afford the mortgage *smh*.

Economic Stimulus
George Dub-ya finally admitted that the nation was in financial trouble and decided to give every American(who qualified) an economic stimulus rebate check. Either you got 600 if you were single, 1200 per married couple and an additional 300 per child or if you’re like me you got nathin and still waiting on that ish, bastids! This however failed to boost the economy but hey….it was free money!

RIP
We lost a lot of great entertainers this year. From Heath Ledger and Estelle Getty to Bernie Mac aka Uncle Bernie *I still tear up at episodes of Bernie Mac Show* and Isaac Hayes. RIP.



The Big Bailout
After phucking up peoples monies for years the ish finally hit the fan with the failing housing market and economy causing big banks like Bank of America ,Citi Group and JP Morgan Chase to go crawling on their hands and knees to the government for them to bail them out. And what did the govment do? Bail them beeshes out! 750 billion to be exact.

McCain Palin 08
After realizing that he may not have a chance to win the presidency, McCain tried to pull a "power move" and announced that his VP running mate would be a no name former beauty queen, hawky mom building bridges to nowhere in Alaska, 17 year old daughter getting pregnant having, glasses wearing, winking at the camera, Peggy Hill lookin girl named Sarah Palin. Not even McCain would listen to his advisors that told him hell naw to picking her. But hey it all worked out in the end didn’t it *winks* !

Bigga Wedding
After being together for about 40 years Jay put a ring on it and they FINALLY decided to jump the broom. They even had an elaborate ceremony that they tried to hide and took months for them to finally admit they were indeed married and publically wear their wedding rings. Like we really cared...

Chrianna and Nariah
We also saw the birth of Chrianna and Nariah. I guess Rhi Rhi finally got the point the Bey was not gonna allow Jay to stand under her umber-ella so she settled for someone her own age. And who would have thought the low budget Will Smith of comedy would snag Mariah!




Gas Prices
Gas prices reached an all time high at $5 dollars in some areas this year. But thankfully it has recently fallen to below two dollars in the past three months. The lowest since 04 I believe. Hallelu-yer!




Jhud Tragedy
Who could forget the tragic saga of Jenn Hudson and the loss of her mom, brother and nephew at the hand of her sister’s husband. I think we were all on the edge of our seats when the search went on for her kidnapped nephew who was tragically found dead a couple days later.

Real Housewives of ATL
Finally we got a black version of the RH series in the Real Houswives of ATL. It was supposed to be a look inside the black elite of the ATL. The drama and pure foolishness did keep us entertained. From NeNe and her keeping it real attitude and her geigh bf Dwight to Kim and her rendition of "Tight Rope". Too bad they had to phuck it all up with frontin. How dreadful!

Yes We Did!
And of course the biggest thing of the year was Barack Obama wining the presidency of the US. History was made this year and the US is forever changed so get used to it YT! Years from now when I think back to where I was and what I was doing on that momentous moment I will always think about my fellow MS-ers and the MS Party Line. *Tears up* Now bring on the Inaugeration beeshes!!



With a year like this I can't imagine what 09 has in store