An Apple a Day

We all hate them but we must have them. The dreaded yearly physical. I usually don’t have a problem scheduling my yearly physicals, I always like to make sure everything in my body is a-okay. So last week when my mom mentioned she would be making her appointment I decided to go ahead and get this task taken care of for the year. Now with my HMO usually when you schedule appointments like these you have to wait a month or more to actually get seen by a doctor. But just my luck they had an opening for the next week.

Let’s fast forward to the day of my appointment. I know what to expect, a review of my blood work, listening to the heart beat, checking of the eyes and ears and that weird instrument they hit your knees with to check your reflexes. The other “woman stuff” will take place in a separate exam at a separate time. So the nurse tells me to undress and put on the paper gown, which I do, and as I undress I just so happen to notice how my legs hadn’t been shaven in a few days and they were, uhh, slightly ashy. Now ladies you know how when you’re single and not mingling you don’t shave your legs everyday, especially in the winter. And yes I do moisturize BUT it IS cold and in the winter I don’t care how much lotion you use you are bound to get ashy again throughout the course of the day.

But anyway back to the exam. After noticing those two things I quickly brushed off any embarrassment and sat on the exam chair thing and waited for my doctor. I knew it would be a male doctor but every male doctor I’d had in the past had been old so no biggie. He definitely wouldn’t be concerned over the current state of my legs. But then it happens. The door opens and it’s not the old doctor I had come to know and love. He was young! Couldn’t have been any older than me. And he had this cute/nerdy thing going on!! The only word to describe my feeling was MOR-TI-FIED. Not because this young doctor would see me partially naked, well maybe that was part of it, but the MAIN reason was because…..YES…….I hadn’t shaved and my legs were ashy. I mean if I had known that they had upgraded their male docs I could have least worn a cuter pair of panties! So what did I do? Sat there and answered his million questions and let him examine me.

And when it was over and he told me I could get dressed again I was so relieved. Until he said he would once again be back after I was dressed. Yes doctor, embarrass me further! So after he finally gives me my printouts I leave with my head held high trying to play it off like everything was fine. And as soon as I get home what do I do? Shave.

So what’s the moral of this story kids: No hair get some Nair? Don’t get pricked shave with a Bic?? Or always expect the unexpected cause evidently HMO doctors are like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re gonna get.