Monday, September 29, 2008

Eastern Motors

Here in the DC area we have a car dealership called Eastern Motors and they have their own set of commercials. It's crazy because it's like a DC trademark. You know you are in the DMV when you hear or see an Easterns commercial. Take a look.









Okay that last one takes the cake lol! But there are a plethora others on youtube. Now lets all sing together kids:

At Eastern Motors
Your jobs your credit
At Eastern Motors
Your jobs yor credit
400 chevy beamers and mini vans
Over 600 cars trucks suvs are you listening man
Let Eastern Motors
Put you in a car today
At Eastern Motors
Finance it all the way


They fail to tell you their 400% interest rates though.

Jury Duty

Today I had to perform my “civic duty” and go to Jury Duty. I was so pissed last night when I had to call that 1-800 number to see if I had to report and they called my number. The last time I had to actually go to the court house to serve was when I was 21 and I’m 28 now! Then they want you there at 7:30 and make you sit for almost 2 hours before they start calling people for a panel to go to the actual court room for jury selection. And of course my name gets called for a civil case. So as we’re sitting in the courtroom I’m keeping a serious mean mug on my face so they attorney’s would be like “we’re not picking her, she look mean and like she’ll vote guilty no matter what”. Well it seemed to work because I didn’t get pick, hallelu-jer! But they did pick a lady who said tomorrow was supposed to be her first day at her new job and another lady who said her husband was the only one working and she had to stay home and take care of her two year old. That was foul. And the case was gonna be three to four days! Aww well Jury Duty can now, like the Senate Insurance commercials, Kiss My Bumper…Just Kiss It ahhhhahahahaha! For the next three years at least.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Neat Photos




Saturday, September 20, 2008

Barack The Vote

They say a picture's worth a thousand words....



Well this one's worth a kazillion!!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Priceless

This commercial is hillarious!

DMC

DMC, Disney Movie Club for those of you who aren’t familiar, really think they slick. They entice you in with their get 500 dvd’s for only 10.99 deal but then make you sign an agreement that you have to purchase four more movies at their movie club price, which is about 30 bucks, to fulfill their agreement/contract. Well it wouldn’t be a bad deal but once you join all the movies they have are crap! I mean they didn’t even have the Lion King. How you not gonna have Simba and Mufasa? Was the Lion King not the biggest Disney movie EVER!?! Then they don’t remind you over the course of the two years that you still have x number of dvd’s to purchase to fulfill the agreement.

So yesterday I received a letter in the mail thanking me for joining their “club” BUT I hadn’t bought the four movies that I promised when I joined. That’s a lie cause I know I at least bought two over the past two years, *sidenote- I will be disputing this matter*. And they had the nerve to enclose an order form and DEMAND that I choose four titles right then and there WITH the payments enclosed! DMC PLEASE! Yall will get my choices and money when I’m good and ready to give it to you and I DARE yall to say otherwise! Now I understand why they been sending me movies that I know I have declined in the Director’s Selection. These bastids better not mess up my credit on the back of this either.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids can be brutally honest sometimes. I have a pimple on my face, we all get them no big deal.....until my daughter comes up to me and says "Ewww you have a bump on your face"

*sigh*

PSA

I'm pretty sure many of you have seen this e-mail but for those who haven't please take time to read and comprehend the following:

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 litre of urine.

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)

An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 2 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Annually you will shake hands with 26 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.

At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.


Moral: WASH YO HANDS!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Niggles



1-800-NIGGLES

Bwhahahahahahaha!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

COP

I’m convinced that my agency has adopted a Crazy Outreach Program. I’ve noticed an influx of crazy and deranged looking people walking around my job. In the elevators…the snackbar…my own office. I’m told that background checks are done here but I KNOW there are some criminals or past offenders among me! Earlier I was on the elevator with a woman who was talking to herself, I mean having a SERIOUS conversation, and I’m giving her the “side-eye” cause if she makes ONE false move I’ma hafta take her down! The government is def an Equal Opportunity Employer. They’ll hire anyone! Got a crazy relative that can’t get a job just send them over to USA Jobs.Gov and tell em to apply.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

LOL

Saw this on Kanye's blog.



Ahhhhhhahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Netflix Thieves

So it has been brought to my attention that my neighbors have been stealing my Netflix movies. I've noticed that I keep getting e-mails from Netflix saying they received movies back that I never got in the first place! Now when we first moved into this house there was an incident where my movies were delivered to the wrong address but the people were nice enough to bring them back, UNOPENED, and explain that they had gotten them by mistake.

But whoever is getting them now decided to 1. open them up, 2. watch them and keep them for 3-4 days, 3. return them! And I know how long they keeping the movies because Netflix gives you a date they were sent out and a date received back. Now I'm at a crossroads because I don't know who to really blame, the dumb postman who keeps delivering them to the wrong address or my ghetto neighbors. Got me side-eyeing every house as I walk to the mailbox!

*Sigh* Jesus please be a swing vote to help Obama get into office so that the housing market can turn around and I can sell my house and move back to Northern Virginia with the yt people!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Quote of the Day

Barack talking about McCain:

“Who is it that he’s going to tell that change is coming?” Obama asked. “I mean, come on, they must think you’re stupid!”



HELLO!!! Yes Old Man River McCain thinks and WANTS the american people to be stupid so we can go through eight more years of the mess we're already in. And I was highly upset that he's now trying to jack Barack's whole "Change" theme. Get your own ish McLame!!! Please make sure you vote the Obama Way in November. And if you know anyone who isn't registered to vote, make sure you help get them registered. And if they refuse threaten their life and the lives of their children!!! Just kidding on the last part but this is serious buisness.

New Look

I decided to give the blog a new look. The old look was kinda boring. Well, Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Sekurrrity!

Today all employees at my job received an e-mail from security about actions that should be taken in the event of a mail/telephone bomb threat( I work for the gubment). Here’s what actions they feel Management should be taking:

Evaluate the threat and take proper search actions

Notify local police, FPS and appropriate emergency services

Evacuate IF necessary


Here’s what actions I feel people with any sense should be taking:


RUN BEESH RUN!


I’m sorry but if I hear of any threat in the building I’m out! We went through this not too long ago where another agency in our building had received a “suspicious” package and their employees were released, but our agencies employees were still sitting up in the building looking stupid(myself included). Then FINALLY security comes on the loud speaker talking about “There was a suspicious package reported on the 17th floor, you might want to gather your belongings and leave.” And what did that do? Cause a twenty minute backup out the parking garage! Let’s get it together people.

Bathroom Etiquette

If you’re anything like me, you HATE using public restrooms. Sometimes I’ll wait for hours just to use a clean bathroom in the comfort of my home. I don’t know about men’s restrooms but the women’s are just plain nasky! Seriously, it’s like no one taught them proper bathroom etiquette. Well I’m here to help. Here’s my very own list of do’s and dont’s in el bano:

Do: Give a courtesy flush while doing #2. I mean you can smell that ish and know it stinks, do you really want other’s in the bathroom to suffer too?

Don’t: Leave pee on the toilet seat. You don’t do that at home, so wipe that ish off!

Do: Make sure you properly dispose of feminine hygiene products. Looking at my own is traumatizing enough, I don’t need to see yours!

Don’t: Take any food items into the bathroom or they will be infected with nasky bathroom germs and deemed inedible.

Do: Make sure you use a toilet seat cover if you can’t squat or have to do #2. And to be extra careful none of your skin touches any of the toilet seat, place some toilet tissue over any parts the seat cover doesn’t reach.

Don’t: Leave pubic hair on the seat. It’s disgusting!

Do(Extremely Important): Wash your hands before exiting the bathroom. And if you see someone about to leave out who didn’t wash their hands, make it a point to either say “You not gonna wash your hands?” or if your are too afraid to do that get a good look at them so in the future you can avoid anything they touch and tell everybody you know how nasky “such and such” is cause they don’t wash their hands!

Don’t: touch the door handle on the way out. Grab the handle with a napkin. The lady who didn’t wash her hand just touched it!



I’m getting nauseas just typing all of this. But following these simple rules will make your bathroom experience slightly more tolerable. Maybe I should anonymously post this on the bathroom door at work.