Riddle Me This.......

Is Paula Abdul on drugs? As I sit in front of the tv watching her week after week critiquing the AI performances I'm beginning to think this chick is really using drugs! Seriously I'm beginning to think she's sharing the same pipe as Whitney. It's becoming hard to watch. Everytime she talks it's literally like nails screeching on a blackboard. Your waiting for her to get through her critique hoping she will finally make sense but once she's dine your like WTF?!? Her critiques usually go something like this:

I think you did a.................good job your vocals................were kinda *says something inaudible*...............you could have taken more risks...............but ultimately *says something inaudible*...........you did a good job.

Then Simon gives her a his classic WTF look.

What happened to Opposites Attracts Paula or Forever Your Girl Paula or Straight Up Paula??? Please.......someone find her!




BTW the top 36 with the exception of a couple of guys suck!

He Kicked Him in the penis

Kids say the darndest thing.

One Thing I Can't stand

Is a man wearing skinny jeans. When exactly did this phenomenon start? And who the hellz thought this was a good fashion statement for men ? But I guess the bigger question is: Why would a man want to wear skinny jeans? It’s not cute. As a matter of fact it looks extremely geigh! I question every mans sexuality that I see wearing them(except Kanye, he gets a pass).



Shouldn’t that ^ be a health hazard? I mean aren’t men concerned about these jeans possibly causing them not to have kids one day from the lack of circulation in their nether region? So men lets just leave this one for the women to rock. STOP IT!

That is all.

Him or Shim?

I admit I do love the Power Puff Girls. My favorite character is Mojo Jojo. He's just so hilarious with his turban, cape and white boots. And doesn't he bare a similar resemblance to 50 Cent?

But one character that has always puzzled me is the character simply named HIM.



WTF is it? Seriously what the hell is it? Man, Woman, Tranny?? I was kind of shocked that they would put a character that obviously resembled a transvestite on a children's cartoon. But hey, I'm convinced SpongeBob got a little sugar in his tank so.....

Seriously, When will it end?

So looks like someone else wants Sasha Fierce to star in their movie. First she expressed interest in being Wonder Woman. I can just imagine Lynda Carter somewhere like what the hell?! Then someone wanted to cast her as Ginger in the Gilliagn's Island remake. Then there were talks of her playing Eartha Kitt in a movie about her life *blank stare*. Now some fool wants her to play Angela Davis in an upcoming biopic. WTF?

I swear Sasha is going to get that Oscar or die trying! I'm really trying to wrap my brain around how she keeps getting these movie offers. Have they forgotten The Austin Powers debacle or The Fighting Temptations disaster?!? And let's not forget the upcoming Obsessed where she even makes a movie with fine talented Idris Elba look like it needs to go straight to BET Blackbuster movie of the week. Simply....this chick can't act worth a damn!

And let's not forget this rousing performance.



Yeah........it hasn't gotten any better.

So stop it Hollywood with continuing to feed into her dream deferred of being an actress!

And stop it Sasha trying to convince us you have talent!

And Diva is NOT the female version of a Hustla!!!

That is all.

Ummm Erykah........

Now Ms Badu is my girl, love ALL her music. But this mess gotta stop! As if Seven and Puma weren't bad enough she named her new born girl Mars. WTF indeed!

Barack would not be pleased.

A Crazy Beesh Moment

Crazy B*tch: “A woman who after a break up slashes the tires on your car, burns your clothes, and tries to get you fired from your job then calls you the next day wanting to reconcile.”

Some sure signs that you may be involved with a crazy beesh:

She goes off on you for dumb reasons like leaving the door to the laundry room slightly ajar

Her family members always suggest you take her to “bible study” which is just a code word for therapy

Your friends outright tell you she’s a crazy beesh

Her ex tells you she's a crazy beesh

Her family members are scared of her

After an argument you wake up in the middle of the night to find her standing over you with a pillow in her hand

You’re scared to eat or drink anything she fixes for you

If she says: “Before I was saved….I would cut a nigga”

If you break up and she still shows up at your family’s Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners....uninvited

If she knows the Ku-ma-tay

This Crazy Beesh moment has been brought to you today by CrazyKillerKungFuWolfBitch



If you think you may be involved with a female with any of these signs......

RUN BEESH RUN

Artist Spotlight: ME

Art along with writing is my passion. But I don't do it as often as I would like because I just don't have the time. I was an art major in college but I switched to English because I wanted to be a writer. All of these were done quite a while ago.

Digitals





Pastels

Bon Qui Qui

I forgot how funny Mad Tv is.



I will CUT HIM!

Maybe I'm a Lil Slow

This commercial has vexed me ever since the first time it came across my tv screen.



WTF?

A $25 gift card at Foreman Mills*google it* goes to the first person that can explain just what the hell is going on here.

Ummm Circuit City........

30% Off? Are you Serious?

Fab!

I saw this on Kanye's blog. Being an artist in my spare time I love interesting works of art. This is the most interesting, amazing, fabulous stuff I've seen in a long time.

Swizz photographer Patrizio Di Renzo *click the pic for a larger view*



Google him, his stuff is amazing!

Oh DMX......

Please watch the entire video. It's a mystery wrapped in an engma inside a conundrum......uhhhhh.....however that ish goes. Bottom line, Cocaine is a hell of a drug!




A few quick questions:

Why come he didn't know his own lyrics?

A pastor with a gospel album? Seriously?

Is the pink shirt really the thing to complain about?

Does one really want to be the life of the party in jail?

Wow! I mean we all knew DMX was a little touched but, Damn! Jesus loves you too DMX.

*Humming* Jesus Loves the Little Children All the Children of the World......

FIERCE!

Ummm didn't this chick just have a baby???



I ain't even mad Halle! You better work!!!

Throwback Joint

Tribe Called Quest- Find A Way

Can't remember what year this came out but this was the jam.

History!

Today the fam and I went to the Inaugeration kickoff concert at the Lincoln Memorial and let me tell you it was Amazing! I've never seen so many people in one place at the same time, and I was there in the midst. Black people, white people, asians, latinos, middle eastern, african, errybody was representing there! We couldn't even get down to the memorial, shoo not even to the reflection pool but had to find a spot on the monument grounds because it was so packed. This is sooooo exciting and one day I'll be able to tell my daughter and any future children that I have that I was there when history was made.







Now onto Tuesday. To be continued.....

The Zax

I've been called stubborn many times before. This story pretty much sums up my level of stubborness.



I'm working on it in the 09 though.

*sidenote* What the hell is a woomfbush?

Happy Birthday Aaliyah

One of my fave songs.





She would have been 30.

Question

If you're close to the age of 50 is it appropriate to have Put A Ring On It as your ringtone? As a matter of fact if you're over the age of 40 shouldn't you just have one of those generic ringtones that comes with the phone? Maybe it's just me, but I think Jay-Z really got people's head twisted up with this whole "40 is the new 30" ish.

Everest

Whenever I work from home I have a chance to see certain commercials that air during the week, during the Jerry and Maury hours, that you don't get to see on the weekends. One of which is the Everest College commercials. Boy they sure know how to make a non-job having living in their momma basement slacker feel like crap.

Most commercials begin with a person of color *figures* basically saying this: "I know you sitting home on the couch cause you ain't got sh*t else to do so you might as well make something of your pathetic life and go to school" *smhlmao*!

The best one I've seen has to be with the light skinned chick, whom I swear I went to school with, saying "ladies you gotta hold down the household right? You gotta pay the bills right? Hellooooo I had a child young and I did it so get yo ass up and call right now cause if I did it so can you." I seriously think she needs to be a motivational speaker!

Now I'm not knocking Everest, since I'm pretty sure it has good programs, I'm just knocking their advertising/marketing approach. Don't think calling someone is a loser that needs to get off their ass and go to school is the right strategy......or is it? Hmmmm.....

Be My Baby Tonight

Because this ish cracks me up every time.



Is he scattin at the beginning?

Nondrivingasstosis

There is a new epidemic sweeping the DMV and it’s called Nondrivingasstosis.

What exactly is this you ask?

Simply, when a person can’t drive worth a damn.

Is Nondrivingasstosis contagious?

No, but it usually develops in some people between the ages of 60-70. It can affect people of any race but it's most commonly found in the elderly and people who were not born in the US.

What are the symptoms of Nondrivingasstosis?

Coming over in your lane without a signal or them checking to see if the lane is clear
Being in the wrong lane and holding you up because they’re trying to get over
Driving in two lanes instead of one
Driving 10 in a 35

How can Nondrivingasstosis be prevented?

Well a start would be making the drivers test a little more difficult. Driving around the block or the parking lot of the DMV does not necessarily verify that a person can actually drive. Put them out on 495!
After you reach a certain age a driving test should be mandatory when renewing your license.
If you are driving with a person experiencing Nondrivigasstosis, just be like Jesus and take the wheel.


I myself almost became a victim yesterday about eight times. That's why I felt it was necessary to shed some light on this epidemic so that you too do not become a victim.

A Lesson In Bytch Dependency

Bitch Dependency:

When a pimp and/or man has an unhealthy attachment to a bitch (lady) which causes the man to rely on the beforementioned bitch for emotional need instead of just finacial support. Also known to other people as "love."

This Lesson has been brought to you today by "A Pimp Named Slick Back", please say the whole name if you would.



It's real ladies and gentlemen and apparently an epidemic.

Justice D.A.N.C.E

My fave new song and video even if it's been out for a minute.





Shoutout to Heather and her movie. I'm still coming up with an idea for mine! It will get made!!!!!

Kaiser Permanente......You Suck!

Today I had to take my daughter for her four year old check up(she just turned four in December). Now usually I don't have any problems when I take her to the Dr and she's good all the way through the entire visit. Not today! Evidently now that she's four she has developed what my dad calls the "white coat syndrome" and knew something was up when we arrived. First she wouldn't take her coat off then she started looking around suspiciously. Then when the nurse called us back, it was over! The child fell out in the middle of the floor. My response: "Oh no she didn't just embarrass me in front of all these people". Needless to say the rest of the visit didn't go well.

She cried when they took her weight, she cried when they tried to get her height, she cried when they took her blood pressure and cried the whole time the doctor examined her. I, being the good mother I am, had to bribe her with the promise of going to Toys R Us afterwards if she would Just.Stop.Crying! That worked for about five minutes.

Then apparently Kaiser Permanente feels that a four year old needs a hearing test where they put the headphones on her and expect her to clap whenever she hears the beep. Ummm she's four! She's not going to understand that plus she was STILL crying. Just call her name and if she says "huh" she can hear!

Then they gave her FIVE shots and took TWO tubes of blood. So by this point she's mad and I'm like Jesus help me. Then they wanted her to pee in a cup. I didn't know that four year old's were required to take a drug test! And you can't command a four year old to pee on the spot! If they don't have to go they're NOT gonna go. So I went back out to the receptionist like "Look, umm she doesn't have to pee soooo what am I supposed to do?". This heffa told me to take the cup home and bring it back with her pee in it. I wish the hell I would!

*SMH* I swear if Kaiser wasn't the cheapest health insurance through my gubment job they would be kissing my grits after today. And I get to do this all over again when she turns five.