COP

I’m convinced that my agency has adopted a Crazy Outreach Program. I’ve noticed an influx of crazy and deranged looking people walking around my job. In the elevators…the snackbar…my own office. I’m told that background checks are done here but I KNOW there are some criminals or past offenders among me! Earlier I was on the elevator with a woman who was talking to herself, I mean having a SERIOUS conversation, and I’m giving her the “side-eye” cause if she makes ONE false move I’ma hafta take her down! The government is def an Equal Opportunity Employer. They’ll hire anyone! Got a crazy relative that can’t get a job just send them over to USA Jobs.Gov and tell em to apply.

LOL

Saw this on Kanye's blog.



Ahhhhhhahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Netflix Thieves

So it has been brought to my attention that my neighbors have been stealing my Netflix movies. I've noticed that I keep getting e-mails from Netflix saying they received movies back that I never got in the first place! Now when we first moved into this house there was an incident where my movies were delivered to the wrong address but the people were nice enough to bring them back, UNOPENED, and explain that they had gotten them by mistake.

But whoever is getting them now decided to 1. open them up, 2. watch them and keep them for 3-4 days, 3. return them! And I know how long they keeping the movies because Netflix gives you a date they were sent out and a date received back. Now I'm at a crossroads because I don't know who to really blame, the dumb postman who keeps delivering them to the wrong address or my ghetto neighbors. Got me side-eyeing every house as I walk to the mailbox!

*Sigh* Jesus please be a swing vote to help Obama get into office so that the housing market can turn around and I can sell my house and move back to Northern Virginia with the yt people!

Quote of the Day

Barack talking about McCain:

“Who is it that he’s going to tell that change is coming?” Obama asked. “I mean, come on, they must think you’re stupid!”



HELLO!!! Yes Old Man River McCain thinks and WANTS the american people to be stupid so we can go through eight more years of the mess we're already in. And I was highly upset that he's now trying to jack Barack's whole "Change" theme. Get your own ish McLame!!! Please make sure you vote the Obama Way in November. And if you know anyone who isn't registered to vote, make sure you help get them registered. And if they refuse threaten their life and the lives of their children!!! Just kidding on the last part but this is serious buisness.

New Look

I decided to give the blog a new look. The old look was kinda boring. Well, Enjoy!

Sekurrrity!

Today all employees at my job received an e-mail from security about actions that should be taken in the event of a mail/telephone bomb threat( I work for the gubment). Here’s what actions they feel Management should be taking:

Evaluate the threat and take proper search actions

Notify local police, FPS and appropriate emergency services

Evacuate IF necessary


Here’s what actions I feel people with any sense should be taking:


RUN BEESH RUN!


I’m sorry but if I hear of any threat in the building I’m out! We went through this not too long ago where another agency in our building had received a “suspicious” package and their employees were released, but our agencies employees were still sitting up in the building looking stupid(myself included). Then FINALLY security comes on the loud speaker talking about “There was a suspicious package reported on the 17th floor, you might want to gather your belongings and leave.” And what did that do? Cause a twenty minute backup out the parking garage! Let’s get it together people.

Bathroom Etiquette

If you’re anything like me, you HATE using public restrooms. Sometimes I’ll wait for hours just to use a clean bathroom in the comfort of my home. I don’t know about men’s restrooms but the women’s are just plain nasky! Seriously, it’s like no one taught them proper bathroom etiquette. Well I’m here to help. Here’s my very own list of do’s and dont’s in el bano:

Do: Give a courtesy flush while doing #2. I mean you can smell that ish and know it stinks, do you really want other’s in the bathroom to suffer too?

Don’t: Leave pee on the toilet seat. You don’t do that at home, so wipe that ish off!

Do: Make sure you properly dispose of feminine hygiene products. Looking at my own is traumatizing enough, I don’t need to see yours!

Don’t: Take any food items into the bathroom or they will be infected with nasky bathroom germs and deemed inedible.

Do: Make sure you use a toilet seat cover if you can’t squat or have to do #2. And to be extra careful none of your skin touches any of the toilet seat, place some toilet tissue over any parts the seat cover doesn’t reach.

Don’t: Leave pubic hair on the seat. It’s disgusting!

Do(Extremely Important): Wash your hands before exiting the bathroom. And if you see someone about to leave out who didn’t wash their hands, make it a point to either say “You not gonna wash your hands?” or if your are too afraid to do that get a good look at them so in the future you can avoid anything they touch and tell everybody you know how nasky “such and such” is cause they don’t wash their hands!

Don’t: touch the door handle on the way out. Grab the handle with a napkin. The lady who didn’t wash her hand just touched it!



I’m getting nauseas just typing all of this. But following these simple rules will make your bathroom experience slightly more tolerable. Maybe I should anonymously post this on the bathroom door at work.